SLIMBONE

 
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"Fuck Slimbone!"

"Shut up."

"Why should I? That motherfucker has a couple snakes and some kind of birds. Least that's what I heard."

"Maybe you heard wrong."

"Well shit, I ain't eaten for three days now. I'm goddamn going out of my mind. I say we go to Slimbone's and kick the shit out of him and take them animals he been hoarding."

"What if you're wrong?"

"About what?"

"About the goddamn snakes and birds. You think Slimbone just gonna let you kick his ass for nothing? Let alone steal his shit if he got anything." 

"Fuck him. (Long pause) Let's kill his ass then. I hate that smart ass anyway."

"You never even met him you dumb fuck."

"Well that's what I heard and anyway I gotta eat man. I'm about to die." 

Chill Phil wondered why he let this idiot tag along with him. He didn't even know his name and didn't want to. He just called him dumb fuck cause that's all he was. A simple, scared, stupid man who Chill Phil wondered had managed to live this long.

"C'mon man, let's get some sticks and some big rocks and go kill his ass when it gets dark."

"I ain't interested. You go ahead." 

"What're ya scared? You told me you ain't eaten nothing for a week now. I know you wanna eat. If he's got them critters we'll have food to eat for a week I bet. Besides, it'll be easier to kill him if it's the two of us."

"Fuck you dumb fuck. I ain't starting nothing with Slimbone. He never did nothing to me." 

"What about the snakes n birds? What if he's got em?"

"None of my business. If he got em they're his. He did something to get em, not me and certainly not you. You dumb fuck." 

Chill Phil puzzled over how he let himself agree to let this dumb fuck squat with him. He guessed it had been about a month since he'd last seen anyone alive when he stumbled upon him on his knees in front of the old church in town. Pathetic sight. Crying, praying, the whole routine. Like it would change anything. But Chill Phil knew it was a chance for company and maybe more. Three days was enough to know he was dead weight though.

(Later)

"C'mon man. It's getting dark, let's get going."

"You really wanna do this?"

"Fuck yea! I'm starving." 

"What about killing Slimbone?"

"I'm taking the son of a bitch out. He's as good as dead already" 

"Alright then. Seeing you're gonna go through with it I better come n make sure you don't get yourself killed. Slimbone ain't no chickenshit." 

"Whatever, let's go." 

Chill Phil let the dumb fuck lead the way. He wanted to keep a little distance in case of any surprises. Besides, he'd decided Slimbone wasn't gonna get killed, especially by this dumb fuck.

"Hey man. It's just a ways up from here."

"I know."

"Look, I'm thinking you go up first, seeing that you know Slimbone and all. You get him out in the clear and I'll come up and smash his head with a rock." 

"Yea, I guess. It's pretty dark and quiet though. Your fat ass gonna have to move real quick."

"Don't worry about what I gotta do. You make sure he's in the clear."

"Well, come here for a second. I wanna see what yer reflexes are like. Slimbone's a quick son of a bitch. He sees something funny happening, neither one of us is gonna see the sun again." 

"Jesus H Christ! Wasting more time" 

Chill Phil saw dumb fucks silhouette move toward him. Short, fat, lump of flesh. Thick as a brick thinking any of this would work. Opening his big fat trap, not knowing a goddamn thing about this place. Chill Phil pulled the blade from the back of his pants when the dumb fuck was a few steps away. Without a word he pounced and in one swift motion cut a new smile in dumb fucks throat. He watched him thrash on the ground, trying to talk and just waited till he bled out. Yup, there'd be food for a few days now he thought. That much mister dumb fuck had right.

Fred Vee